Back On Track

We did it! Flo and I went on a short run today. Felt so good! :)

I'm looking forward to resuming my running now that winter is finally (hopefully?) over. 

Don't you dare!

For days, if not weeks, I have not dared checking my weight. I do not know how many kilograms I have added or lost and I do not want to know just yet.

I think finding my inner balance is probably more important than weight loss right now although I am not absolutely sure about all that.

What do you do to improve your state of mind when life gets weird?

Sunshine & Warmth, Snow & Frozen Souls

Last week, we returned from our one-week trip to the island of Mallorca, Spain. While Germany had freezing degrees below zero, we enjoyed a much the milder climate and sunny days. 

Unfortunately, we had to return to German winter weather again. It has been snowing the last couple of days and metereologists have declared this month as the coldest March we've had in 130 years. 

~ * ~

I would like to thank you all for your comments and mails concerning my last post. Thanks for being honest and encouraging and trying to help me see both sides of the story.

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Mental Health

I often wonder why I am so unhappy with my life.
Nothing seems to work out the way it is supposed to, I hate the system in which I work, I hate looking at myself in the mirror, and most of all: I hate being unhappy.
Part of the problem are my depressive episodes. Or aren't they?
Which came first? Depression or unhappiness? Which caused which? Were both caused by something else entirely?
Will I ever be able to get rid of depression as long as my life remains the same? As long as I remain the same?
I do not work well in hierarchical systems and I know it. Do I simply have to learn to get along with this? Is it possible to learn how to endure working in hierarchical structures? Can I keep my mouth shut and not question my superiors? And be happy with it?
I do not see how.

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What's wrong with me and my life?

Ouch, my back hurts!

The muscles in my back feel like stone. Not in a good way, though. My shoulders, neck, and back hurt and the muscles feel cramped.

I saw the doc about this last week and he not only suggested putting heat to my hurting muscles, but also sent me to a specialist - who will not only massage part of my back but who will kick my butt and work out with me. Yes, you read that right: my doc gave me a prescription for working out with somebody who will show me the right excercises to relax my muscles and to strengthen my back.

I am so grateful for living in a country which makes everyone have health insurance.

Today, I had my first session. The therapist did so many different things which hurt at first but made me feel better afterwards. She told me that my jaws do not work right which prevents the muscles in my face to relax. You can even see it when I talk: every muscle is taut. And yes, my jaw hurts but I thought that was just another stress symptom.

Afterwards, I was really exhausted. Unfortunately, I could not relax but had to drive to Muenster where I will attend classes about law and taxes for the next two weeks.
Although it is great that I get to take part in things like that, I would prefer to be home right now and not in a room in the dorm of my college days. Fortunately, these are all single rooms so I do not have to share. :)

Happy Valentine's Day

This morning, I sent Valentine greetings to some people and simply told them that I like them.

Did you do anything for Valentine's Day?

D and I are planning to go out latet today, have a glass of prosseco and dinner.

Oh, and I am finally down three kilograms. :)

Health & Happiness

Health & Happiness

I've changed the blog title to "A Quest For Health & Happiness" (the url remains the same, though) because I feel this blog shouldn't be about physical health and fitness only, but also about mental health and happiness.

As you know, I've been suffering from depression since childhood. This mental disorder is, unfortunately, part of who I am. 

When starting this blog not long ago, all I had in mind was losing weight, changing eating habits, and working out regularly. Since then I've come to realize this won't happen as long as I'm not changing my mindset completely. Getting fitter physically isn't enough, I have to work on my mental health, too.

So let's see how this will work out in the future. 

Favorite Foods Aren't Favorites Anymore

I don't know why, but since I've had the flu I stopped wanting to eat certain foods. I don't even crave some of my favorites anymore. Why is that? Does anybody know?

Suddenly, I keep thinking about pizza all the time. And I seem to always be thirsty. I used to go a whole day without drinking anything, but now I'm suddenly aware of thirst. That has never happened before! Weird. Why has that changed?