Sunshine & Warmth, Snow & Frozen Souls

Last week, we returned from our one-week trip to the island of Mallorca, Spain. While Germany had freezing degrees below zero, we enjoyed a much the milder climate and sunny days. 

Unfortunately, we had to return to German winter weather again. It has been snowing the last couple of days and metereologists have declared this month as the coldest March we've had in 130 years. 

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I would like to thank you all for your comments and mails concerning my last post. Thanks for being honest and encouraging and trying to help me see both sides of the story.

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Mental Health

I often wonder why I am so unhappy with my life.
Nothing seems to work out the way it is supposed to, I hate the system in which I work, I hate looking at myself in the mirror, and most of all: I hate being unhappy.
Part of the problem are my depressive episodes. Or aren't they?
Which came first? Depression or unhappiness? Which caused which? Were both caused by something else entirely?
Will I ever be able to get rid of depression as long as my life remains the same? As long as I remain the same?
I do not work well in hierarchical systems and I know it. Do I simply have to learn to get along with this? Is it possible to learn how to endure working in hierarchical structures? Can I keep my mouth shut and not question my superiors? And be happy with it?
I do not see how.

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What's wrong with me and my life?